A Poem and Half Shell

These words let it be known

To Christ on the Throne

Who calls unfaithful servants to His Glorious Home

Not Alone

But Christ who dwells within

Who took a dirty pagan

And made him

A Friend

I’m speaking in rhymes to tell of these wonderful times

He’s the God of Abraham

Not the god of the Jains

Awe striking signs

That He showed to this shredded up vine

LORD please

Prick and Prune me

Cut the slack on the line

You have

Made me ready Lord, I repent to the dust

It’s Jesus Christ, God save me, let my demons be hushed.

-Jayson Philbeck-

July 6^th

It was on this day that Mark Twain, the pen name for Samuel Clemmons, began writing for a newspaper entitled the Territorial Enterprise. Clemmons followed the trends of the day: heading west in hopes of finding gold or silver and making it big. When nothing ever materialized, he found this job in Virginia City and began the legend known as Mark Twain.

It is the birthday of a Tibetan. In 1935 a baby named Tenzin Gyatso was born. He later became the future leader of Tibet. He was proclaimed the Dalai Lama, a reincarnation of the Buddha. He has written several books, many which made the best seller list. Time magazine included him in their top 100 most influential people issue.

On this day in 1946, George Walker Bush was born in Connecticut. His family later moved to Texas. His father became the president after Ronald Reagan. He became a very successful businessman, becoming co-owner of the Texas Rangers in 1989 and holding the position as governor of Texas for 6 years. In 2000 he became the 43^rd president of the United States, beating out democrat Al Gore. Bush was the first president in history to put a black man, Colin Powell, in the position of Secretary of State. He quickly became a war president on a dark day in American history, 9/11. He regained re-election in 2004 and the president this current day in 2006.

In 1956, John Lennon and Paul McCartney first met. The occasion was a church picnic near Liverpool. These two men later formed one of the greatest pop sensations of the 1960’s. Their group was called The Beatles. They ended up with four men in the band. They were a big hit in Europe, but more so in America. The band broke up in 1970.

When the year 1967 rolled around, this day went down as the initiation of the Nigerian civil war. The Republic of Biafra broke away from Nigeria and began a three year war. Many people died from malnutrition as the countries main source of income was destroyed. Nigeria ended up winning the war when Biafra surrendered.

July 6, 1988 holds the date for the largest oil rig explosion in history. It occurred in the North Sea near Scotland and was owned by Occidental Oil. Out of the 225 workers on-board, only 58 survived. The source of the explosion was a gas leak which later exploded and engulfed the rig in flames. Most oil rig disasters are due to inclement weather, which is why an explosion is so horrific.

In Time and Space

It has once been said that man desires the answer to three basic questions in life. He wants to know where he came from, why he is here, and where he is going. Sometimes I look into the sky when there are clear, dark nights and then my soul becomes my mind and answers such questions.
My first love ever was Jupiter. In my elementary school there was a program entitled AIMS. The other day I jokingly called it AG on steroids. It was an advanced math and science class for 4th and 5th graders. One day we had to do a project. We got to choose a planet in the solar system, research it, and present our information to the class. I chose Jupiter, not because it was the biggest planet, but because it was unique. You see, at that time and with that class, what we really thought was cool were 'rings' around planets. For this reason, most of my friends wanted to do Saturn for its elaborate and colorful display of rings. But there was something in Jupiter that was calling me. I'm not sure if it is the giant red hurricane that sits stationary on its underside, the twenty plus planets which orbit it (a few of which are the size of our earth), or maybe it was because it had one lonely, thin ring. Nevertheless, I chose it and had my first love. When I thought about Jupiter, I was outside of this world. There was no crime, no hate, no sin; there was only time and space. There was a world outside of earth that I couldn't physically see, yet it intrigued me. It was real. I knew it my deepest of deeps and to my utmost of most. At a time when I was learning all these new theories of how the world came to be outside of my Sunday school six day creation, I began to show signs of my inner philosopher. How can it be, that something so great can exist in such harmony with itself. And then there was the thought of infinity, and endless end, or lack thereof I suppose. I began to comprehend what my pastor meant when he said God was infinite. This was all so wonderful to me.
It is really funny to be sitting here typing about my youth because I am only nineteen years old. It seems like it was so long ago that I was daydreaming about space when in fact it was only a decade or so ago. I wonder how many other people are having the same experiences I did with Jupiter. I still think Jupiter is an amazing thought because it was made by God. I know how big God is. Ten years of growing in my faith and understanding of God and this world has been a wonderful ride. God has brought me to the point that I know without a doubt He is there and He is real. Time and space is a testimony of His existence because chaos can not turn into order without something else. When I look at Jupiter now, I see where God's hand has touched. I see how He has crafted His universe. It gives Him praise by doing everything He made it to do. All I can do is think what it would be like to behold this planet. It is beautiful.
It would be so neat to be able to visit Jupiter. I would like to fly to it in some magical euphoria and sit upon its ring and gasp at the immensity of this gas giant. Once I have overlooked it, I could descend into the clouds and meet its liquid core--a giant ball of molten rock and fire. How can it be? How can things so wonderful exist? The earth seems so vast sometimes, especially when I look across the ocean. But what would it be like to be on a planet that is thousands of times larger than this one, and to peer across its gaseous oceans? It rattles my mind. Perhaps one day in the life to come when God reveals His glory, all those questions that are hidden from me now will be answered. For when the fullness of time comes, the fullness of His glory will be revealed. Oh how I hope that one day, my dream of dreams would come to its fruition.

Hear My Prayer

I’m in distress, a test at best, causing me stress I’m blessed, something that I must confess, a mess; my sinful essence amidst your holy presence, revealed by your luminescence, I feel your omnipresence! But woe is me, like the prophet said, I’m more dead than dead, for I’ve been mislead by myself! I need help from the Mighty One, I am undone, Lord, let your will be done! Here we go, not slow, just a constant flow of the things I’ve done wrong since you told me to “go” this I know, Lord, I’ve spurned your blessings, yet all my regretting never teaches me lessons I need to know! It’s been too long since I’ve picked up a pen, while all the time ya boy kept stumbling in sin. I’ve taken your grace and I’ve spat in your face, God-I’m so evil that I’m cursing in haste! What makes you love a piece of CRAP like me? When I miss the opportunities you’ve given me the vision to see! Dear Lord Jesus, the sinner’s savior, please change my behavior, teach me to be like you! I’ve deserted your word, I’m beyond absurd; I’m broken, you’ve spoken, let my faith be awoken! TO the glory of Christ, by the will of the Father, who decided to bother, and listen to this pathetic prayer, written in sin’s lair, with fear and reverence knowing I’m not alone, let me keep giving You glory until you take me back home. Amen.

Maschil

Is being sad and mad really a fad? Or could our mind be in a state that’s really bad? Maybe it’s because you never knew your dad. Maybe there’s some love you never really had. Maybe there’s abuse you hide inside your heart. Maybe you see no end, and don’t recall a start.

Do you ever cry and wish that you would die? Do you feel that what you’re told is always a lie?

When you went to look for God did the church push you away? And make you feel like you didn’t belong there anyway. And did it make you feel like no one was left? No one who understands your pain in all of its depth.

This is my contemplation, something man has faced ever since creation-question life from its very foundation, but do we know that our frustration is keeping us from elation?

There’s so much more to life than this because something greater does exist though we may be thrown amiss from life’s abyss.

It feels sometimes my mind, I can’t find, like I’m clouding up my message…with all of these rhymes, yet behind this black ink is a man who’s entwined to this pain that’s exclusive to the race of mankind.

How do you know who you are, if you don’t know where you’re from? And how come life is so hard for some? Yet violence was exhibited to the True Son of Man, ill with the plan rooted deeper than the rocks in the sand. Look at His hand-eternal scars that show the love you demand and fulfill your every need? Dawg I promise He can! Look at your eyes, tears falling like rain from the skies, He’ll wipe your tears away and then He’ll call you His prize, I hope you realize-this is the Truth, I got no reason to lie. It’s just what I feel, and I can promise it’s real; emphatic thoughts fit to call it a Maschil.

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, He took my place, and one day I’ll see His glorious face

It brings tears to my eyes, the fact that He died, this is the night that I cried

But what does He need? He’s the antithesis of greed, In Him I see

His unconditional love for me; I suck at life, in constant sin and strife

No wife yet sex tempts me, like pillow fights, yet He loves, I’m alright

Lord cast my sin from Your sight, this night I’ll see His fervent might

And in Humility gasp at His exalted height and in awe ponder how He

Comes down like a kite; to mend my shattered soul as I tremble in fright

He’s Jesus Christ, do you know Him? The Lamb of God who fought the ultimate fight

He’s my King, vindicator, who wraps His arms around me tight

Do you believe me? He supersedes me! He’s the reason I write!

He prepares my hands for battle, sits me on the saddle, my heart’s addle

Because my sin rows me away from God like a paddle

That’ll get you upset, don’t fret, our sin is not a threat

Cause on the cross Christ smoked it out, like a cigarette

And no longer a silhouette of the father of lies

But in Christ we’re made sweet like honey from beehives

God is beyond time and space, yet Israel is His chosen race

And we’re included in this place cause Christ came to replace

Our disgrace and embrace our soul with His Gospel, of Amazing Grace

The Untitled Work of My Soul

I believe in rap. It is the conduit between the soul and reality. It shows how noise works by design. It is an expression; it molds words and sounds into meanings that are inexpressible any other way. Its very essence is passion.

In terms of music, it has given me a home. Back in 2000 I was in Houston, Texas at a Christian bookstore where I was introduced to a group of guys who changed how I viewed this genre, and more importantly, my faith in the Lordship of Jesus Christ. It was a group who called themselves The Cross Movement. The way they used words was unlike anything I had ever heard; when the tracks were done I was so moved that my eyes were filled with tears. Many people don’t understand this genre, and at the mainstream level today, neither do I. However, there are some people who hold true to its origins, and eloquently show its art form. It’s poetry in music, and I can prove it; please don’t be turned off by those who abuse it.

I am a sucker for metaphors and am like an addict for similes. It is so easy to know of God, but yet so much more to know God. And though I hate cliché statements, this is one that strongly applies to my soul. In their song, “Off the Hook,” The Cross Movement slapped the conceited religion I had claimed all my life right off my face. The song creates the setting of a courtroom where said rapper is being persecuted by “Chief Justice Supreme Judge Elohim.” In rap form, the court case unfolds with a guy who has been convicted of not knowing who God is. Once convicted and set to go to death row, the Judge takes off His robe and goes in place of the rapper to be executed. The song is too deep to be explained in a mere paper and should be listened to by anyone who is intrigued to know more. The closing line of the song stays in my mind to this day. “Sin’s got the lock, but God’s got the key.”

A “good” rapper presents all of the parts of speech in every verse. He plays with word play, juggles with verbs, and dances with nouns. Syllables line up with beats like planets in a science fiction novel; you feel cooler than ice cold while creating verses that are hotter than fire. It is the paradox of paradoxes, a musical anomaly. Rap is a beautiful art form; this art forms words that fill an empty mind like low-lying creeks in a rain storm. Rap gives the freedom to escape from the typical linguistic rules that bind the mind; rap takes language that seems to be held captive at conveying a message and sets it free. When free, words can flow in a spiritual stream toward Truth. It gives the freedom to rap about a courtroom where I was convicted of not know who God is, yet in Grace, the Judge took off his robe and died for me. I was told about being justified out of mercy all because He loved me. What kind of love is this? It is revolutionary! This is what The Cross Movement did to my soul through the grace of God, and is the very reason why I believe in Rap.

A Relativistic Manifesto

The rasp and dreary night finally came to a close; the perverted truth that escalades the spirit through the realms of intellectual thought made it a mockery. Irony in its greatest form; I am awake and starring at the ceiling. I feel weightless, but is it from my somnolence or has reality itself been changed? Am I present in some Hollywood movie where my own personal “Matrix” has been altered? What of the world? What of Life? If I remain lying, will the endless rhetoric my mind offers me cease, or should I leave this melodramatic dwelling place? I got up.

I went to brush my teeth and realized that they were already clean; in fact, I was in no need of shower or change of clothes. I felt full. The chores of life were already complete before me. I left my dorm room to find that all the traffic signals were gone and people were driving crazy like Starsky and Hutch. It was quite a battle to cross the street from Royster to the main campus of Gardner-Webb University. I found myself entering class only to find that no one was there except the teacher who, strangely, told me to leave. Finding this odd, I walked out into a giant riot forming on the quad. There were two groups of students gathered. One group of students was completely nude and the other fully clothed. The nude group was supporting this new “world” while the clothed group was fervently against it. The emotions escaladed and eventually protest evolved into violence. It first began with punches, but punches became stabs, and stabs became death. But in all of this, there was no stability. The moral hand was all but severed. I watched in fear of my own life for what if the crowd saw my disbelief and I were to succumb to their debauchery? I just witnessed murder that was without remorse. What was wrong with this world of which I found myself a part?

Running off toward Main Street, the uncanny feeling reverberated once again. Cars were flipped over and every store was broken into, vandalized, and wiped clean of its goods. The doorway had been opened for all sorts of ungodliness. I was only witnessing the greeting room.

I dared not go back to my dorm to try and salvage my possessions for I knew they were lost by now. Nature began working in reverse. The beautiful blue sky darkened into deep red, and the sun slowly faded away. Earth was cold now. I wondered desperately what was going on. The dark sky no longer showed forth the illumination from heaven’s lights. The animals experienced these phenomena also. The birds gathered and flew down low to the ground, running into buildings. It was as if they thought they were doing everything right, but they were blind to the fact they were much too low to the ground to fly.

Searching through the debris I found a T.V. set flickering information from a news channel. “Lawlessness” was the headline. The first answer to any question I had asked all day was finally before me. This disarray was not exclusive to my college. It was an epidemic. The entire world was a victim to this plague. Money lost its value as the world’s economy collapsed because people lost reverence for all things in life. The rainforests were finally being wiped out. Charities were liquidized, not for the money, but for the sheer fact that apathy killed their soul. On and on the headlines passed by my weary eyes; so this is what we always wanted? Marginalization abroad: of government, of nature, of humanity.

Life was a question and a void was its answer. I stood there, staring blankly at that T.V. screen. A new language was being formed and every word translated into it was “death.”

The Castle of Dreams

Napoleon Dynoflight was a disrespectful little boy. It was a rare occurrence to ever find him doing anything worthwhile. One time he was playing with matches in his bathroom and burned the toilet seat black. When questioned about it by his father, he simply responded, “You’re such a freaking idiot, GOSH!” At school, he was known by his friends as: “tinkle winkle.” The subtle recitation of this phrase was in reference to Napoleon’s bedwetting problems. The other children just couldn’t live it down once they found out. Sadly, Napoleon hates the world because of how everyone treats him.

One night he decided he was never going back to school ever again. When morning came, there weren’t the usual sounds echoing through the house. His curiosity captured him, and pulled him out of bed. No one was at home. As he crept around the house, he heard a loud crash come from his backyard, so he went to investigate. There was a giant castle! The trashcan recently rolled out to the gate was full of soda cans and “Twinkie” wrappers, and resounding from the stone walls was a deep, “BUUURRrrppp.” Someone was inside! Instinctively, he entered the stronghold.

Peering around the corners as he crept through the cold hallways, Napoleon was careful in making his presence unknown. Sitting amidst a green silhouette was a large ogre. He was in his study typing on a blog entitled, “My Brother is a Sellout.” Never giving it a second thought, he continued down the corridor. He came to a room with a sign that said, “Me Take Human.” Glancing through the hole in the doorknob, much to his surprise, he saw his entire family tied up with duck tape around their mouths. “Awesome,” he said under his breath, “What a sweet day! I have a castle in my backyard and an ogre who took my family away from me!” Resuming his journey through the castle, Napoleon came to another door entitled, “Stupid People.” Inside it, in the same fashion as his family, were all the kids from Napoleon’s school. This made Napoleon so happy that he made his hand into a fist and said, “Incredible,” as he pulled it toward his body.

All of the people who made Napoleon’s life miserable were now locked up inside a castle with a giant ogre guarding it. It was as if every dream and prayer our young hero ever had was answered overnight. All of a sudden, there was a loud crash. The door to the castle slammed and the ogre’s wife came marching in.

“Have you been on that stupid computer all day long? Talking on your stupid “blog” about your brother being a sellout? Listen here, I don’t care if he is a sellout, at least he took the movie deal! You were too much of an idiot and missed out on two multimillion dollar productions and now look at us...kidnapping people with our mobile castle? Why don’t you get up and do something? I’m the only person who actually gives a crap about this house and our family. All you do is sit around the computer and mope around all day long eating “Twinkies” and drinking soda!”

“Woman, don’t you ever raise your voice and talk like that to me again!”

The arguement between the couple lasted about five more minutes. While listening to the bickering, Napoleon decided that he wouldn’t want anyone to be captured by these people and listen to this nonsensical fighting for the rest of their lives. Moved with compassion for his enemies, he freed them and they all escaped the castle.

“Ouch,” Napoleon said going back into his house. “What is this feeling burning in my chest?”

His father replied, “That is love, my son. Today was the first time in your life that you showed love to someone other than yourself. Love has nothing to do you getting something. Love is a verb; it is an action. It’s when you do something for someone else.”

“But it hurts real bad!”

“I know son, many people don’t realize that love can hurt. But when it does hurt, you know it’s real, and that is a beautiful thing.”

“Yea, I guess you’re right. Hey, how are we going to get rid of the castle in our backyard?”

“Did you hear them fighting in there? That marriage won’t last much longer. As long as she doesn’t get the house in the divorce, we’ll be ok.”

“Well, that’s good. Why do people get married anyways dad? All married people do is fight.”

“Well son, here is the wisest statement you’ll ever learn about women: You can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them.”